kimmiekoko's Blog

I guess there were some changes to this server and it put me as a guest instead of owner.

Thanks so much! No, the toenails ended up coming off themselves very slowly and now one of them that is growing back slowly is all uneven and horrible looking! I'm glad its happening at the start of the cool season so I don't have to worry about wearing sandals, hopefully it'll shape up before warm weather. I don't know how that works with new nails growing in.

This past friday was my mom's b'day so today I am going there to take her out to eat and maybe shopping.

We went to the Open Gardens day yesterday in Austin and it was neat seeing those fancy places on the lake. At one of the places we were looking down at their boathouse which was fixed up so nicely, screened in with furniture in it, right directly over their boat, and they had a yellow tape going across the tree's so nobody could go down to it, this guy walked up beside me and started stepping over the tape and going in and I said, you're just gonna go ahead, and he said yeah since I'm the owner. I felt stupid! But I got over it finally.

Hey ya'll! I'm back!

My b'day was this past Sunday and our 4 yr. anniv. was 3 days before that. I've been pretty busy with things lately. I had noticed that things were pretty dead on here so I thought I'd just let it ride for a while before checking to see if anyone posted.

Ana, I truly understand the hassle of sitting in that chair getting extensions worked on! I just did it on Sunday for 4 hours. Try and post some pictures of your new hair if you can and I will too. I'm sorry you had such a turmoil making those big decisions you made but I'm sure you feel so much more free now, don't you? I am proud of how strong you are, you have much to feel good about yourself. You keep up the good work, you're awesome!!!

Tina, glad you all were not affected by the storm!
Sorry about your sister having to wait on chemo. I feel bad that you're having to go through so much emotional pain right now. Just know that we're praying for you and are always in our hearts.

I have lost 2 toenails and have figured out that my shoes are too small. My feet have gotten bigger! My friend says thats what happens when you get older is your feet seem to grow! I now wear 8.5 instead of 8. I bought a new pair of tennis shoes and they do feel much better. My toenails however are gross!!!

I feel as though I have accepted and felt better about this b'day than the last. I am beginning to mellow out about the age thing. I actually felt really GOOD turning 44!

We got 1 or 2 days not too long ago of rain but not since. Its been real dry again. The storm only gets to about Houston I think.
I'm glad you're far enough away to not get flooded by it!
My husband has been real sick and trying to work has not helped him get over it. I've been having to take up the slack and have been busy with that.

This is the first time I've ever bruised them. Long ago when I was a kid, I remember having a huge wart on my toe and it was so painful and I hit it once and had to have it bandaged up for a while.
I never have liked feet, no matter whose it is, so now my 2 toes look absolutely ugly! I hate that.

Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear about your sisters condition worsening. I know that has to be difficult on you right now along with all your other things going on.
We're still here for support.
Please take time to do a little something for yourself too.

Is everyone still alive out there?? I'm beginning to worry a little here, no response lately.
Hope everyone is okay. Hope to hear from someone,anyone, soon....

Hope everyone has been having a great weekend!

I bruised 2 of my toenails from a fall on the rollerblades the other day ago and so now it looks as though I might lose one of the nails! It was very painful to walk but has gotten much better now.

Not much going on here in my neck of the woods today.

Looks as though this board is almost non-existent anymore. Hope I didn't run everyone off. I look forward to seeing more posts soon.

Its been a long time since I've even been to a halloween party but I know they can be fun.
I can't think of any ideas at this moment.
What is your little one going to dress as?

If you could change your name would you keep what you have or change it to something else?

For a long time I loved the name "Darla" because of the Little Rascals show and when I worked at a pizza place when I was 18 they used to call me Darla because I was the only girl in the group and we just named everyone by the little rascals.

But now, its changed to Samantha "Sam" for short. For some reason I would love to have that name and be called Sam.

Good Morning to anyone who may be reading this!

This coming week is Labor Day weekend, any plans?

For me, husband is on call unfortunately this coming holiday weekend. I will probably go see my mom one of those days.

I didn't watch too much of the mens volleyball. I saw the last part of the womens wear it was Misty May and Kerry Walsh.
I have loved watching the track/field. The one guy from Jamaica beat all records and he was such a character, funny to watch, and its funny how is last name just so happens to be Bolt, they call him Lightening Bolt!

Thanks Tina! Ana had a really good idea here and I'm glad she suggested it.

Sorry you've had a rough week. I'm sure next one will be a lot smoother!

Well, the teeth hurt for 2 days but was much better by the 2nd day. First day was the worst. I didn't get any kind of burns. They put so much cotton in and around my mouth and kept checking to make sure the cotton was covering the gums too. I just had extreme sensitivity. I went to get ambusol and took that and advil and was bearable.
My teeth are 2 shades whiter now. She said they really weren't that dingey when I first went in, I just thought they were.

Congratulations on the new baby boy!

We've missed you here! But I can understand how the ebay thing goes with taking a lot of time.

Glad you're back!

Just got back from dentist getting that Zoom teeth whitening and man, does my lower teeth hurt like crazy!
Bought some ambusol at walmart, got home to hurry up and open it and apply it and there's nothing there! Someone had stolen it outta the box. I took some advil but is not working enough. I think I am going to have to go back up to the drugstore and get some ambusol!

I just received this email forwarded to me from Sara, thought you might want to know.

Cell phone numbers go public tomorrow!

REMINDER....all cell phone numbers are being released to
telemarketing companies toDAY and you will start to receive sale
calls.

.YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS

To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone:

888-382-1222.

It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your
time
I t blocks your number for five (5) years. You must call from the cell
phone number you want to have blocked. You cannot call from a
different phone number.

HELP OTHERS BY PASSING THIS ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
It take about 20 seconds.

You're welcome! It was a good idea.

I did read a lot of the positive stuff and it definitely didn't make things worse. The thing about reading that stuff is the fact that you can read this stuff all day long 24/7 but still nothing will change unless you put action into it. I've been practicing ever since that day putting into action the positive things I read but it takes a whole lot of effort and can be a real struggle when your mind is so used to going in that other direction. Sometimes my mind doesn't want to cooperate with these things and keeps going in that destructive manner. I know I create all this distress on myself and I also know what I need to do about it but I don"t always adhere to it. Just life.

I do know logically that I have nothing to be that distressed over. The fact that I do have a loving husband, wonderful home, fabulous car and attractiveness makes me appear as though I'm off my rocker for expressing all this distress in me. But that is just how things appear on the outside. It does not matter one bit whether you're rich or poor, pretty or ugly, skinny or fat, fancy car or clunker, mansion or shack. Sometimes you look at people who seem as though they've got it all with all these marvelous luxuries and nice looks but what you do not see is what is inside this person. They might be the most miserable feeling person and you wouldn't even have guessed it. Its not all on the external that matters, its what you got going on on the inside that makes the difference in your life.

If you could get inside my mind you would see something different than what you see on the outside.

I do feel very thankful and blessed for the life I have right now, never had it before, so I always just look back at my horrid past and thank my lucky stars that its gone. What I have now is major battle scars that are still healing and its a long process. I've gone through a lot in life and know the despair feelings. I guess if I had come from a loving family, money, good relationships, then I might not be able to understand on that deeper level.

It goes a lot deeper than just the forum incident, thats just an outside thing. Its distorted beliefs lingering from my past that keep me in pain. Right now, because of this obsessive/compulsive disorder, I constantly feel like my mind has me in prison. I never relax even at home. My mind has me convinced that there are terrible things going on behind me, betrayal and such, and because my husband is the closest one to me the poor man is the one who is in the center of it. So, there are definitely days that I just feel like calling it quits and checking out of this life here on earth because of that daily pain but the other small part of me keeps struggling to rise above and the only way I know to rise above it is to do whatever positive things I can to prevent this from happening, it surely wouldn't be anything negative thats going to prevent me from calling it quits or dwelling on the bad parts. If I were to just give in and do nothing but dwell on whats not right with me then I would have already been outta this place long ago.

Depression is a life long problem of mine. I can remember way back in childhood where I went around looking sad most of the time always feeling like some kind of cloud hanging over me. Its still that way today no matter what good things may pop into my life.

Yes, I feel my life is a big big struggle. Constant friction in my mind every day and I always keep wondering if I'm going to be able to finally get over that hump.

And I don't know how to stop my thoughts from the worry of whats going to happen. I don't sit and think, like I should do, that I have a roof over my head and financial freedom or where my next meal is coming from, instead I constantly obsess and worry that it could end, that something bad is going to happen and I'm going to be out there on my own trying to survive like once before. My mind is still operating in that unstable way because of all the many times in my past that I really was in that situation and it was constant worry and scraping pennies together. I even go to the point to where I've convinced myself something bad is happening already and I begin thinking out a plan as to where I'm going to go and what kind of job I need to get and how things will change. This is total absurdity and madness! But I do it all the time. I don't want to be this way and I'm giving it all I can just to stop it.

Yes! You get TWO gold stars today!!!

From my own experiences from my past and from what I've read about this subject is that when someone cheats, whether man or woman, it has nothing to do with the other person. No matter how great this person is that they're with is irrelevant. There is usually always some kind of unresolved emotion underneath it all that they're trying to fulfill, some do it with food, some with alcohol, some with sex. Sometimes its something within the relationship that has not been gotten out in the open and dealt with between the two and so they try to fulfill this part of them elsewhere.
The one who cheats usually has a lot of issues not being addressed within themselves and have a hard time facing reality and whats inside them. They live in dishonesty with themselves and with others.

Thats just my observations on the subject.

Today I was feeling better at the first half and then towards the 2nd half I began feeling down again, beating myself up once AGAIN!

I am still struggling with the "assumption" thing. I don't see anyone posting here like before and so I immediately start "assuming" as the habit I have of doing, that by having the run-in with the ba board admins in the soliciting that somehow EVERYONE is thinking badly of me right now. That I've blown it as far as anyone actually having any desire to post here anymore. I may be just be writing this to myself right now, I don't know, but even if I am thats alright too because I'm just getting this thing off my chest right now.

I don't know why but I do feel like a terrible person right now for what has happened. I hate it when I get in these emotional modes where I worry about what others are thinking of me. But then, what does it really matter anyway what anyone thinks of me.

Well, right now is one of those times that I definitely am feeling "stuck" in that negative cycle of worry and I have tried to let go of this today and have succeeded at times but then other times like right now I'm failing at it.

I'm feeling as though some may be fearful of posting anything simply out of distrust. I can't say I blame them.

I'm going to try and get myself out of this spot I'm in because right now I'm feeling pretty rotten and that really feels like crap which I don't want.

Any suggestions from anyone anywhere that may so happen to be reading this? I feel that I'm digging deeper and deeper with myself right now, sounding maybe a little desperate for response. But hey, thats what this area is for right? To express pain.

Here's a fun place to ask any question you might be thinking to yourself but have never thought to ask before. Someone else might even have an answer to it. This can be anything on any subject matter. You can learn a lot by just asking questions.

Have Fun!!

In boxing, you get out there and fight and sometimes you get knocked down and when that happens you go back to "the corner" to recoup. This area is for that purpose.

In life, you get knocked down sometimes and then you need to recoup from it. Life is ups and downs. The whole life transformation/emotional transformation involves taking a step forward and then sometimes you go back 2 steps before taking another step forward again. In any kind of healing there is always times that you're up and then times that you fall back down again, which is actually beneficial to your emotional health and growth.

You can't expect to always be up. Sometimes you need the down in order to recognize patterns within yourself.

You can come here to vent, express anger, fear, hurt, jealousy,etc. When you express your emotions/feelings at these times it usually helps you grow because you "hear" "see" this outside of your mind and when you can "see" it then it helps you become more aware of yourself and the things you might want to change within yourself. Afterall, how are you going to change something without first being aware of it.

Feel free to express whatever you're feeling here no matter how negative it may sound to others. Hopefully by doing this it will help propel you forward just by getting it off your chest and out in the open.

Go ahead and kick, scream, yell, jump up and down or sideways, make faces, whatever it takes to get it out. No judgements or requirements here. Its still all about healing.

If you feel "stuck" right now, this is the place to express it without feeling pressured to just "snap out of it".

I actually just had cookies'n cream ice cream last night with a BIG piece of chocolate cake!! I was sick afterwards!

I allow my emotions to totally control every part of me sometimes and it gets me in trouble. I've been an emotional type person ever since I can remember, some of it I think is just my personality, other parts I know I can learn to get under control better than this.

Thanks for listening!

My prayer this day is that I may gain the courage to look at myself and my behaviors more objectively in order to become a better human being. To gain more strength to control my thoughts before automatically reacting out of insecurity and self doubt and saying or doing things that I really don't want to and that cause me even more distress.

To be able to take behaviors that cause distress and take action to turn them in a different more positive direction that benefits me a lot more.

I'm in the midst of a fleshly battle and am sriving to get to a higher place within myself. This fleshly battle is all to do with the ego self. Its the ego self that feels defensive and a need to prove myself to others. I see this more clearly each time I react purely off of emotion. Not everyone reveals these kind of things about themselves because its hard to trust, thats understandable and probably the wisest way to go. I intend to work on myself in this area as well.

I also pray that I haven't offended anyone in any way. If I have pushed people away because of this then I guess thats just another one of those lessons I'm to learn.

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always
sound good, but never actually come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of True Friendship.

You WON'T see cutesy little smiley faces on this card. Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew!!!

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you're scared, we will high tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!!!!

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I'll pick you up and dust you off

After I laugh my butt off!!

9. This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask… because you are my FRIEND!

***********************
Friendship is like peeing your pants,

everyone can see it, but only YOU

can feel the true warmth.

**********************