I asked to be removed from the ba forum because I was told that I was soliciting others from the board inviting them to mine.
I am fairly new to all this online forum stuff and am now fully aware that the rule/law is by asking someone else on another board to visit your board is called soliciting and is forbidded.
I do understand this now. What I still don't understand is the manner in which I was approached with the email. There was some mixup to where I tried to logon to ba and could not so I went to my email box and find the messages in which one of them was a member there that was asking me a question so I was trying to answer her and since I couldn't logon to the ba I came back over here where I saw her name was already listed as a member and wrote the post to her on here, she replied, and then we emailed each other. I wrote that post because I wanted to let her know she could post here now and that I was upset because I assumed I was banned from the other site because of the soliciting message and could not log on. I continued by emailing bailey and asking what is wrong. She explained very nicely but then there were many more emails in exchange that didn't go so well.
So, I understand that the post that I put on here saying I was banned somehow got to the admin. there and she got upset about it that I had said I was banned. I said it only because thats what I was lead to believe. And I later find out that I really was banned at that time because of the soliciting issue she had told her about.
There were not that many that I private messaged about inviting to my board, it wasn't everyone. I went through private messaging because I figured it couldn't be any harm in it if it is "private" and I figured since the conversations were going towards the kind of stuff that I talk about on here that this board "might" be a good "addition" to the other, might compliment it, since there is deeper subjects being discussed on there. That was my whole thought, it wasn't in hopes of trying to "steal" people from there to just come here, and I wounldn't mind at all if someone from here were to tell someone else on here about a site they have that might in some way benefit them and they went, I wouldn't care that they did because I'm thinking if its something that could help that person then I'm all for it. But I guess thats not the way rules work on here. I'm not the type person to deliberately try and break a law or rule, I'm always scared about that kind of thing, never want to be doing what I shouldn't. But it looks like thats exactly what I've done. I've broken a regulation/rule.
I haven't seen many posts on here lately so I'm not sure who is still here.
Once again, I seem to be posting this often now about my emotions getting out of control with others. I feel really upset at this part of me. I want to change it for the better and I know that in order to do that I have to let go of the guilt about it and take action about actually changing it, otherwise this is just going to keep happening over and over.
And I guess, unless you really know a person, its hard to get where their coming from. I imagine that others on here or there might look at me, just from reading my posts, that I'm highly defensive, emotional, over sensitive and read too much into things and take them out of context.
I truly "hate" this "part" of me with a passion.
I guess through experiences like this one and the one before on here that it is bringing more of this part of me to my awareness than ever before. Maybe thats the whole reason for this happening this way.
So even though it might have driven people away from me it can still be a positive as long as I take action on changing this unwanted part of me.
I most of the time reveal way, way too much about myself and inner thoughts and have a very difficult time in discerning who it is safe to let this out. I have been told that unless you get to really know someone well, don't reveal so much about yourself. I always just assume that the other person is going to take in what I'm saying and do the way I would do if I was listening to them tell me about themselves. I keep learning more and more that thats not reality. Its just human nature.
I really hate that this has happened but I also feel pretty good for the fact that, once AGAIN, have learned something out of it and hopefully that other part of me will start becoming less resistant to change and do something about it.
I have been trying to beat myself up over this ever since yesterday but I struggling right now let go of that kind of behavior because I know it is not going to help me any.
Anyway, if there's anyone on here reading this that is from the ba I hope this doesn't sway your decision to stay on here but if it does I can truly understand that too.
