Yesterday I thought would be more down because of memories triggered about my dad. Turns out it ended up being a really nice day!
First part of the day we watered and got a lot of landscape chores, I rollerbladed with the dogs, then it became so very intensely hot that we both decided to jump in the pool with koko and oscar and just play around. Then we made a trip to Home Depot for some mulch and stuff, came back and back in the pool we went and we just had the best time just talking about fun things we used to do in the past in our younger years, rollercoasters, high diving, etc. Had dinner then back out to finish watering (we've been in a severe draught with no end in sight yet).
And so, through all this I started realizing something, that we had been complaining about the extreme heat and drought and the fact that we have to get out there and water so much to keep things looking nice, and then yesterday it seemed as though as soon as I chose to have a different attitude about it and chose to look at it in a different way that it actually became more enjoyable despite the harshness of it, I more or less chose to just accept it as it is and see what positive I could possibly make out of it, to enjoy this time, not waste it by focusing on what I DON'T like, to find what I DO like instead.
I actually didn't really realize that fully until just a little bit ago when I first started writing this. Yesterday I had a hint of this realization just not full scale yet.
Sometimes it feels like your thoughts don't have anything to do with how you are feeling or how you see things, it seems like how you feel depends on whether things around you are going right or not. I have many times convinced myself that it was my surroundings and things outside of me that were causing me my pain and suffering. I've since learned to practice looking at it the other way around which isn't always easy to do! Its so much easier to blame it on everything else around you. But then you just stay stuck in your distress.
So, today I am making a conscious effort to pay attention anytime my mind tries to convince me that its the heat, drought, etc. that is causing me distress. I am going to continue to practice challenging myself to seek out the positives in every situation. I think this could also help with my anxiety as well.
I also felt a little more acceptance coming in on one of my biggest issues I have and have had for so very long, its going to be a tough one to eliminate but I feel it happening in very small stages. It felt so very good yesterday to feel that feeling of acceptance for something I know I cannot change/control, even as slight as it was it still felt like some improvement and action.
I've also been feeling more of a change in the area of the obsession with looks thing, also very slight but nonetheless improvement. I know that change usually comes in stages and thats what I think is happening with me.
