Facing the Fear...

I've suffered from social anxiety off and on since I was a child of about 10.  Used to get really lightheaded and ill feeling when I went with my family to restaurants - didn't know what it was at the time of course, just thought I was odd.  I was fine during most of junior high, it came back bad in highschool, off and on throughout my teens and early 20's, by 30 it was pretty much a regular thing all the time.  I was diagnosed at age 24 with social anxiety, generalized anxiety and panic disorder.  Fun stuff!

I know what you mean by being more of a follower than a leader in social situations, coming up with ideas and being spontaneous.  I'm the same.  I'm terrible at coming up with things!  My boyfriend isn't a leader either - makes for some pretty dull times when no one comes up with anything to do!  That's why often times I think I'm a really boring person - but if someone else takes the lead then I usually end up having a lot of fun!  In this relationship I am forced to be the leader, but being bad at it means we don't do much. 

Last weekend when BF wanted to sleep all Sunday I asked my son to go out and do some photography with me.  HE is a good leader - he thinks he's terrible but he's better than me!  He took me to some cool places to go hiking - we took photos of wildflowers.  I'll post some another time when I get them sized down.  They come out of the computer 36"x24" or some outrageous huge size.

I need someone to give me a kick to get going - I find it hard to motivate myself to get out of the house.

So proud of you for going alone to that BBQ - I can relate to how stressful it must have been to make yourself go and just do it!